I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
