Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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