when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
