You're a womanizer and a bitch.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
