mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
