when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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