We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
my shit smells like andre
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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