just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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