youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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