matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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