What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
