I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
