I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
