But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
