Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
