Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
