Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
