trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
