I just saw a hot homeless man
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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