I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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