i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
