if i died would you start the facebook group?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize