I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Randomize
