you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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