just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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