I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
are you so shy because you have an std?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
