Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
