R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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