when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
