Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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