i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
