It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Found your dick twin last night
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
