The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
