so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
smell my finger.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
