3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize