Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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