Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
