The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
