this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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