Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
