I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
