Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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