Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
