Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize