I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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