I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
