i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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