im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
