i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Randomize
