Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He? As in you personified your dick?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
