apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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