I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
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