"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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