Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
