no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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