Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
