You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
