How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
