is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
