no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
