i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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