I'm really into asian looking animals
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
