i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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