So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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