Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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