Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
