we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
