just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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