he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
