she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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