I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
