I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
