Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
