Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
