he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
