when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
