Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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