As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
