We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
