So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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