Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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