i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
