It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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