sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
