it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
